A Game of Delegates

Collusion between enemies… the wife of a former philandering leader trying to hold her spot on the throne and willing to crush anyone on the way… North vs. South, scheming, cheating, bloodshed… we have a lot to look forward to this Spring, and that’s just Game of Thrones. We haven’t even touched on the presidential election yet.

Days after a cataclysmic loss in New York, Ted Cruz’s campaign struggles to explain their failure. Some say he wasn’t feeling the New York values. But I’m not so sure about that…he did, after all, walk away with a big ole bagel.

If there was any doubt about whether Indianans would warmly welcome the Republican frontrunner during their state’s upcoming primary, look no further than the expansive fields, where hundreds of thousands of Donald Trump dolls have been spotted—wait—wait—what’s that? Just in, these are not Trump dolls but ears of corn.

Meanwhile in Pennsylvania, The Donald was trumped by those with hair more fabulous than his—a group of alpacas. It is unknown how the Trump team and the alpaca farm came to share a complex on this magical day, but subsequent polling indicated the alpacas—as some began to call the Trumpacas—drew a more prolific crowd than The Donald. The Trump campaign has not released a statement on the matter.

On another note, the Treasury has chosen to replace Andrew Jackson with Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill. While Americans have broken Google with “Who is Harriet Tubman” inquiries, both Ben Carson and Donald Trump have voiced opposition to the Treasury’s choice, suggesting that instead Tubman take her place on the $16 bill or the $12 bill, depending on whether you want to slight her as a woman or as an African American.